These stories tend to get around the interweb pretty quickly, so you may have heard about this one. But in case you haven’t, here goes:
Last Saturday a bunch of my friends were tossing back a few pints their favorite pub here in San Diego. It was getting late, so everybody agreed it was time to go home.
As everybody left and said their goodnights in the parking lot, it was pretty obvious that one in the group was having a little harder time than the rest. After everyone else had driven off he was still wandering through the parking lot, weaving left and right until he finally stopped at a car he recognized as his.
He leaned unsteadily up against the car and dug in his pocket for his keys, finally pulling them out and stabbing at the car door a couple of times before he got the key in the lock and the door open.
Unfortunately for my friend, there was a police officer parked at the other end of the lot who was observing the whole episode. The cop sat in his car and watched my friend’s headlights, brake lights, and reverse lights all go on an off a number of times before the car slowly backed out of its space.
The moment my friend’s car turned on to the street, the cop flipped on his lights and siren and pulled my friend over.
The copped walked up to the car and said to my buddy, “Sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?”
My friend looked at the cop slowly and said, “uh, nothing really. Just a couple of Cokes.”
“Really?” The cop said. “You know I watched you leave that bar and you seemed to have quite a bit of trouble getting to your car.”
“Really, I’ve just had a couple of Cokes,” my friend said as earnestly as he could.
The cop looked a little irritated and said, “Sir, I’m going to give you one more chance to answer my question, or I’m going to arrest you right here. How many drinks have you had tonight?”
And my friend said, “Look officer, I’m telling you the truth. I’ve only had a couple of Cokes. Tonight was my night to be the designated decoy.”
(Sound of rimshot)
— I heard that one from Tomme Arthur